Exploding Fingers and Steaming Ears

Mass shootings are normalized in the United States. ... What a statement. I’ve never wanted to read a sentence like that and know it to be fact, but here we are. It’s a disgusting world we live in: we go through cyclical patterns of being in shock, mourning, and moving on around the preventable deaths of hundreds. When nothing major happened legislatively after the Sandy Hook massacre (or after any and every shooting that happens in inner city communities as yes, this is also a race issue... But I will refrain from delving into that topic right now), we should have seen this coming. My blood is boiling, and I can feel my thoughts explode out of my fingers and my emotions violently steam from my ears. I suspect not much will be well articulated, but it must be said.

To those who are sharing #walkupnotout: do you realize the dangerous mindset you are perpetuating? The conversation the walk outs are trying to bring up is about assault rifles, bump stocks, and gun regulations as a whole. For you second amendment fanatics, this isn’t going to take away your beloved cold metal; the goal is to limit what’s available and to whom. I take it to be an obvious sign of something being wrong if unstable people can so often acquire guns without much difficulty and go on these rampages that happen nearly daily.

This isn’t a lesson about being nice to each other (though more of that would be excellent and beneficial for the world), it’s stopping the NRA from exercising their love for money and power at the risk of human lives. It'd be a different story if the phrase was "walk up and out" instead of "walk up not out”; you can't say you understand the movement and state that you’re “not in disagreement” it by perpetuating a phrase that literally lifts one action and condemns another. It just doesn't work.

Thank you, Tarana Burke

Me too.

I’ve been lurking upon this movement with admiration all the while wondering if I’d partake. Were my experiences “bad enough” to call out, and did I feel comfortable outing myself as a victim? But as I thought about it longer, more instances surfaced. Repressed memories made their way to the forefront of my thoughts, and even remembering them made me uncomfortable.

Why do parents feel the need to warn their daughters about every male figure that steps into our lives, as if it’s 100% our responsibility to ensure we are treated with respect? Why do most decisions of a woman’s day have to consider her safety, whether the thought be conscious or not? Why did I hesitate to say “me too“ based on the degree to which I’ve been harassed… As if “smaller” acts of sexual harassment or assault are commonplace, acceptable, and don’t warrant pushback?

This needs to change. Everything needs to change.

So yeah. #MeToo. And I am here in solidarity and in power with the women, men, and gender nonconforming who have dug up and relived their pasts just to help make this point - As well as with those who haven’t posted or chimed in. Because as Alexis Benveniste articulated beautifully, “Survivors don’t owe you their story.”

Let’s stop seeing respect as something to be earned and instead start seeing it as a basic human right for everybody. Let’s start with having hard conversations. Let’s listen. Let’s not assume. Let’s ask questions. Let’s stop waiting for someone else to do the right thing. Let’s protect. Let’s make it our problem. Let’s raise people up.

“Be somebody who makes everybody feel like a somebody.” - Kid President

Sky Bison

It puts you in a dark place to read heartfelt words from friends and strangers alike that will never be read by their intended recipient. A darker place when you begin to write some yourself. And then it spirals you even deeper when you think about the things you could have said prior to the open avenue ceasing to exist... So to anyone reading this, shower those you love and value with everything they deserve when you’re with them, and take the time to let them know how much they mean to you.

To be honest, I'm not sure what's compelling me or any of us to put our messages out into the world - But sometimes there's no use in trying to understand because in the end, it just might not make total sense. Aalaap, I feel outrageously lucky to have crossed paths in you in this crazy journey. You are so, so loved by the Cornell Ultimate community as well as your family and everyone who was unbelievably blessed to know and befriend you. Thank you, and I hope you have a chance to see all of the beautiful things this world has to offer through the eyes of those who celebrate you today and everyday.

A Beginning about Ends

Clarence Allen, California, 1/17/2006
Blind,
Responsible.
Strangled and thrown
It’s a good day to die,
Thank you very much

“Thank you very much”
Before the three-chemical sequence
Longer than usual
About 18 minutes

Four past midnight
With a stairway to heaven
Thank you,
Thank you,
A road,
Sight.

Robert Lee Massie, California, 3/27/2001
Upbeat, prepared, extra

Hello, goodbye
Never know you again

If ever

Forgiveness, unknown, toes deeply immersed
So long hope for pursuit of better befores

Perhaps change,
Letting go to find

A particularly perplexed prison parlor

Anger, Rationalization, and Post-March Thoughts

I have this irrational anger at friends without legitimate reason who didn’t march or show solidarity in other ways yesterday. The whole notion of “silence is compliance/violence” keeps appearing at the forefront of my thoughts, and I wondered to myself if I was being ridiculous or overly sensitive. To keep myself in check, I talked to people who are close to me and unafraid to point out my bullshit to bluntly ask if they thought I needed to calm down and redirect my energy.

The answer we have come up with thus far is that as human beings, we are at a point where we either need to step up or else we can consider ourselves complacent and complicit with the erasure of millions of Americans. To elaborate, the White House website has deleted (or failed to create) the LGBTQ page, climate change page, civil rights page, and likely other pages of which I am not aware at this time. The loss of healthcare and the rise of hate crimes will inevitably cause an alarming number of deaths, as well.

To those of us who care and who fight: as people who have been lucky enough to be born with privilege and opportunity, we may not have easy access to those who voted for Trump or who stand against racial equality and immigration, women’s rights and the LGBTQ community, science and the environment, religious freedom… But we do have access to people who have remained passive, silent, or unconcerned.

Though I will never understand why some females actively did not want to be part of a movement and message as powerful and necessary as the Women’s March yesterday, I challenge my able male (and female) friends who stood by as history was made yesterday to fight alongside us and be actively a part of the battle moving forward.

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

No one is free when others are oppressed. Dare to speak up; we need you. Never in history has America had a President this dividing of, this hateful towards, and this dangerous to so many lives.

Here’s somewhere we can start: www.womensmarch.com/100.

We’re not demanding that you outwardly resist every single day (nor should you have to), but knowing in your heart that you love your mother, your sister, your wife, and the women in your life won’t cut it this time. Beyond that, this is more than gender.

Thank you to everyone who marched, who posted words or photos of support, who made a poster, who knit a pussy hat, who traveled to DC or a sister city, who has been helpful to the world, who stands up for others, who empowers friends and family, who has been a good, righteous human. Thank you is not enough.

Off and Uneven

Everything felt different this morning. The reflections of morning light didn’t bring me a sense of hope, and I could barely bring myself to look up on my walk to work aside from checking to make sure that crossing the street was safe. Getting out of bed was a chore not because I was tired, but because the words, “What’s the point,” echoed in my mind.

But isn’t this what he wants? To silence those who oppose him, to empower those who support him, to exercise control the way he damn well pleases on a day given his ever-swinging mood.

As the results menacingly ticked in last night, I was trying to make sense of this nightmare through reading posts from and speaking with the capable, intelligent, and charismatic humans I’ve been so lucky to be surrounded by throughout all stages of my life. And here’s how we see it.

Democrats need to look at this and realize that people of every class in this country don’t see the Democratic system working in their favor for reasons including but not limited to the rising cost of education (from what I hear, though fact is hard to discern at the moment, Trump won something like 80% of counties where less than 10% of people had Bachelors degrees), the rising of capital towards the 1%, the rising strength of labor unions. The United States of America was founded on the general principles of for the people, by the people, and whether you were with her, felt the Bern, supportive of a third-party candidate from the beginning, thought America needed to be made great again, chose to remain silent, or felt like you were too busy to vote, this election has shown that the exposure of corruptness and selfishness from the government tipped the greater American population in favor of a misogynistic bigot as the leader of our country. The actions of the Democratic National Committee and Debbie Wasserman Schultz come to mind. Democracy wasn’t delivering, so people wanted an alternative.

You may be joking about moving out of the country or marrying an international citizen to get out of this mess, but if you face the facts, there comes the harrowing acceptance: on January 20, 2017, Donald Trump will be the President and Commander and Chief of the United States of America. Your conscience may not be okay with this and you may be refusing to believe it, but it is now a fact. Trump successfully spoke to every rooted racist and homophobe, and though he has zero political experience, that’s exactly the reason why many selected the Trump-Pence option on their ballots. Not only is he white and a familiar representation of privilege, but he’s not a politician. So those who feel safe enough to not feel targeted or threatened by everything he stands for turned a blind eye to the dangerous and unacceptable garbage that came out of his mouth and his actions and chose him.

That’s a damn shame.

“Everything is going to be okay” is not the answer or the case here. Instead, it’s “it’s possible to make things better than they seem right now if…” We become agents of change in the face of adversity that America has not faced of this caliber in our lifetimes by engaging. We need to remember how important this feels in this moment and work to not forget in a matter of weeks, months, years - even a few days. We need to be there for and supportive of all of the different groups of people Trump has labeled as the “others” in this election: Muslims, Hispanics, Blacks, the LGBTQ community, women, the list goes on. In our daily lives, we need to make sure love continues to trump hate. We need to work to advance progressive goals for the environment (no matter how much some may refuse to believe this, climate change is happening and something major needs to be done) and for the people, like Planned Parenthood and ACLU. We need to vote in every single election, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant to our own lives, and to do that, we need to make getting involved in local politics the norm.

We need to talk, and we need to do something. Do not forget the way the 2016 Presidential Election results made you feel. We can accept or we can fight, and now is the time to engage, come what may.

Hobby, Lifestyle, What Have You

I figured I'd start keeping track of the breaks I've surfed for, well... Tracking purposes. Whether I like it or not, I guess I'm a list kind of girl. It would be nice to be able to map these on some sort of geo-widget, but I suppose a list generally going north to south, national to international, and A to Z will do for the time being.

Rhode Island
Second Beach

New Jersey
Deal - L Jetty
Ocean Grove
Manasquan Inlet

Oregon
Coos Bay

California
Bolinas - Patch
Bolinas - Jetty
Stinson Beach
San Francisco - Fort Point
San Francisco - Dead Man’s
San Francisco - Eagles
Ocean Beach - Kelly’s
Ocean Beach - Beach Chalet
Ocean Beach - Lincoln
Ocean Beach - Irving
Ocean Beach - Judah
Ocean Beach - Kirkham
Ocean Beach - Lawton
Ocean Beach - Moraga
Ocean Beach - Noriega
Ocean Beach - Ortega
Ocean Beach - Pacheco
Ocean Beach - Quintara
Ocean Beach - Rivera
Ocean Beach - Taraval
Ocean Beach - Sloat
Pacifica - Rockaway
Pacifica - Linda Mar
Montara
Waddell
Davenport Landing
Santa Cruz - Four Mile
Santa Cruz - Steamer Lane
Santa Cruz - Indicators
Santa Cruz - Cowell's
Santa Cruz - Sewers
Santa Cruz - Pleasure Point
Santa Cruz - Jack’s
Santa Cruz - The Hook
Santa Cruz - Shark's
Santa Cruz - Private's
Santa Cruz - Trees
Capitola
Pismo Beach North
Pismo Beach Pier
Lemoore - Surf Ranch
Santa Barbara - Jalama - Rivermouth
Santa Barbara - Jalama - Beachbreak
Santa Barbara - Jalama - Cracks
Santa Barbara - Leadbetter
Ventura - Mondo’s
Ventura - C Street
Los Angeles - Venice Beach
Newport Beach - 36th Street
Newport Beach - 28th Street
Newport Beach - Blackies
San Onofre - Churches
San Onofre - Old Man’s
San Diego - Carlsbad - Ponto
San Diego - Swami’s
San Diego - Campgrounds
San Diego - Cardiff - Pipes
San Diego - Cardiff - Barney’s
San Diego - La Jolla - Tourmaline / Old Man's

Puerto Rico
Isabela - Jobos
Aguadilla - Surfer’s Beach
Rincón - Parking Lots
Rincón - Sandy’s
Rincón - Pools
Rincón - Domes
Rincón - Maria’s

Hawaii
O’ahu - Ka'a'awa - Rainbows
O’ahu - Mākaha
O’ahu - Tracks
O’ahu - Kawaikui - Toes
O’ahu - Waikiki - Queen's
O’ahu - Waikiki - Tongs
O’ahu - Waikiki - Pops
O’ahu - Waikiki - Threes
Maui - Launiupoko

Costa Rica
Playa Espadilla
Playa Uvita
Pan Dulce

Mexico
Baja Norte - Las Gaviotas
Baja Norte - La Fonda
Baja Sur - Scorpion Bay
Baja Sur - The Rock
Baja Sur - Nine Palms
Punta Mita - Bahia
Punta Mita - Anclote
Punta Mita - La Lancha
Punta Mita - Burros

Peru
Lima - Mahaka

South Korea
Siheung - Wave Park
Yangyang - Mulchi
Yangyang - Hajodae
Yangyang - Jukdo
Busan - Songjeong
Jeju - Iho Tewoo
Jeju - Jungmun

Philippines
Siargao - Tangbo
Siargao - Jacking Horse

Indonesia
Mentawais - Burger World
Mentawais - A-Frames
Mentawais - Nipussi
Mentawais - Ticos
Mentawais - Macaronis Left
Mentawais - Bombies
Mentawais - Scarecrows
Lombok - Gerupuk
Rote - Besialu (T-Land)
Rote - Squealers

Middle School Diary Ripout

For a while now, I've been keeping a private note on Facebook listing all of the live concerts I've been to. In some odd way, the note's existence and maintenance appeased my own penchant for nostalgia.

It was bound to happen eventually (and surely I should have been less naïve to believe content on Facebook would remain a secret), but the events leading to the note becoming public for a few hours were shocking for my unsuspecting heart. As I commuted into New York City for another day at my winter internship, I updated the note on Facebook's mobile web browser. As usual, I lost service as we entered the Lincoln Tunnel. On our way back to ground level, I then turned my attention to my phone as it buzzed with a notification. When I realized what had happened, I nearly stopped breathing.

Two years have yet to pass since the day my "List of people I've seen/will definitely see in concert so I never forget" went unintentionally viral on Facebook, but 2014 seems long gone. In that moment, it felt like a page of my middle school diary got published to my entire social network... In a way, that's exactly what happened. But as time ticks by, I can't help but feel proud of all of the live music I've seen (regardless of genre - from angsty pop-punk to dirty rap) that has moved me and shaped me. So here it goes... Welcome to the page of my diary that will hopefully be getting updated for as long as I live.

Jack's Mannequin 8/11/2006, 6/19/2009
OAR 8/11/2006
Gwen Stefani 5/21/2007
Akon 5/21/2007
Lady Sovereign 5/21/2007
The Rocket Summer 10/4/2008
Phantom Planet 10/4/2008
The Secret Handshake 10/4/2008
The Morning Light 10/4/2008
Augustana 11/29/2008
The Spill Canvas 11/29/2008
The Hush Sound 11/29/2008
OneRepublic 11/29/2008
Moving Mountains 4/11/2009, 8/1/2009, 5/2/2010
Bears and Bright Lights 4/11/2009, 8/1/2009
Throwing Color 4/11/2009, 8/1/2009
Calm and Repose 4/11/2009
Streets of Fire 4/11/2009
Alkaline Trio 4/25/2009
Saves the Day 4/25/2009
Death in the Park 4/25/2009
The Call Out 6/6/2009
The Fray 6/19/2009
Stevie Wonder 6/26/2009
Every Avenue 7/1/2009
Cash Cash 7/1/2009, 7/3/2009
Valencia 7/1/2009
Sparks the Rescue 7/1/2009
Phone Calls from Home 7/1/2009
All Time Low 7/19/2009
The Maine 7/19/2009, 5/1/2010
VersaEmerge 7/19/2009
Sing it Loud 7/19/2009
Reverse Order 7/19/2009
Less than Jake 7/19/2009
Meansweller 8/1/2009
The Comeback Season 8/1/2009
The Years Gone By 8/1/2009
Blink 182 8/26/2009, 10/3/2009
Weezer 8/26/2009, 7/28/2011
Taking Back Sunday 8/26/2009
Asher Roth 10/3/2009
Scotty Don't 1/2/2010
A Clever Con 1/2/2010
Quincy Mumford Band 1/2/2010
Avon Junkies 1/2/2010
Badfish 1/2/2010
Relient K 5/1/2010
Something Corporate 5/1/2010
Drake 5/1/2010
Secret Secret Dino Club 5/1/2010
Ke$ha 5/1/2010, 5/2/2010, 9/29/2013
fun. 5/2/2010, 10/2/2011
Matt and Kim 5/2/2010, 5/8/2014
Mutemath 5/2/2010
Nevershoutnever! 5/2/2010
Steel Train 5/2/2010
OkGo 5/2/2010
Say Anything 5/2/2010
Minus the Bear 5/2/2010
MGMT 5/2/2010
Morning Teleportation 7/22/2010
Modest Mouse 7/22/2010, 4/19/2015
DM Stith 11/14/2010
Sufjan Stevens 11/14/2010, 12/22/2012, 3/23/2013, 5/1/2015, 8/6/2016
Cake 4/21/2011
Ratatat 7/13/2011
Yeasayer 7/28/2011
The Flaming Lips 7/28/2011
Death Cab for Cutie 8/5/2011, 5/28/2016, 10/10/2023
Frightened Rabbit 8/5/2011
Bon Iver 8/9/2011, 10/20/2016
The White Panda 8/27/2011
Matt Pond PA 9/18/2011
Rocky Votolato 9/18/2011
Janelle Monae 10/2/2011
Passion Pit 11/5/2011
Major Lazer 3/11/2012, 8/7/2016
A-Trak 3/11/2012
The Wailers 5/4/2012
Neon Trees 5/4/2012
Taio Cruz 5/4/2012
Sleigh Bells 5/5/2012
Red Hot Chili Peppers 5/5/2012
Danny Brown 6/25/2012, 10/4/2017
ScHoolboy Q 6/25/2012
Childish Gambino 6/25/2012
Marina and the Diamonds 8/3/2012
Emeli Sande 8/3/2012, 8/31/2013
Coldplay 8/3/2012
The Cataracs 8/25/2012
Penguin Prison 11/9/2012
Joseph Gordon-Levitt 11/18/2012
Rosie Thomas 12/22/2012
Tall Firs 2/13/2013
The Music Tapes 2/13/2013
Jeff Mangum (Neutral Milk Hotel) 2/13/2013
Bryce Dessner (The National) 3/24/2013
Nico Muhly 3/24/2013
Bob Dylan 4/14/2013
Dawes 4/14/2013
Kendrick Lamar 5/3/2013, 7/29/2017
Hoodie Allen 5/3/2013
5 & A Dime 5/3/2013
Keith Secola 8/19/2013
Preston Frank and his Zydeco Family Band 8/19/2013
Spam Allstars 8/19/2013
Sim Redmond Band 8/19/2013
Walk the Moon 8/31/2013, 5/28/2016
A$AP Rocky 8/31/2013
Haim 8/31/2013
Imagine Dragons 8/31/2013
Phoenix 8/31/2013, 12/8/2017, 5/14/2024
Beyoncé 8/31/2013
Mutron Warriors 10/31/2013
Sophistafunk 10/31/2013
Ludacris 5/8/2014
3lau 5/8/2014
Lionel Richie 6/27/2014
Andrew Bird 7/8/2014 (and the Hands of Glory), 6/8/2024
Luke Temple 7/8/2014
Dark City Strings 7/26/2014, 12/31/2014
DeVotchKa 8/16/2014
The Knocks 8/30/2014, 4/24/2015, 8/6/2016
Icona Pop 10/17/2014
Grace Potter 10/17/2014
The Glitch Mob 10/31/2014
Dr. Dog 3/15/2015, 2/20/2020
Elvis Perkins 3/15/2015
Goldfish 3/29/2015, 10/30/2015
Cazzette 3/29/2015
Andrew Rayel 3/29/2015
DJ Snake 3/29/2015
Dillon Francis 3/29/2015
Nicky Romero 3/29/2015
Krewella 3/29/2015
Thomas Jack 3/29/2015, 8/5/2016
Cashmere Cat 3/29/2015, 10/17/2015
Eric Prydz 3/29/2015
Armin Van Buuren 3/29/2015
Porter Robinson 3/29/2015
David Guetta 3/29/2015
Martin Garrix 3/29/2015
Kygo 3/29/2015, 4/24/2015, 1/14/2016
Shakey Graves 4/17/2015, 10/29/2015
50 Cent 4/24/2015
Rae Sremmurd 4/24/2015
G-Unit 4/24/2015
Chance the Rapper 5/6/2015, 11/12/2016
Magic 5/6/2015
tUnE-yArDs 7/18/2015, 12/2/2017
Doobie Decibal System 10/3/2015
Leftover Salmon 10/3/2015
The Brothers Comatose 10/3/2015
The Flatlanders 10/3/2015
Skylar Spence 10/17/2015
Bob Moses 10/17/2015
Viceroy 10/17/2015
Gorgon City 10/17/2015
Run the Jewels 10/17/2015
Hudson Mohawke 10/17/2015
FKA Twigs 10/17/2015
Big Grams (Big Boi, Phantogram) 10/17/2015, 8/6/2016
deadmau5 10/17/2015
José González 10/18/2015
Lower Dens 10/18/2015
Father John Misty 10/18/2015
The War on Drugs 10/18/2015
Deerhunter 10/18/2015
CHVRCHES 10/18/2015
Panda Bear 10/18/2015
The National 10/18/2015
Marian Hill 10/21/2015
Heavy Mellow 10/21/2015
Little May 11/2/2015
Doe Paoro 11/2/2015
Odesza 12/10/2015, 10/27/2017
Louis Futon 12/10/2015
Hayden James 12/10/2015
Nico & Vinz 1/14/2016
Conrad Sewell 1/14/2016
Jack Garratt 3/10/2016, 8/7/2016
Florence + The Machine 5/28/2016
Atlas Genius 5/28/2016
The Joy Formidable 5/28/2016
New Beat Fund 5/28/2016
Låpsley 8/4/2016
St. Lucia 8/5/2016
Miike Snow 8/5/2016
Grimes 8/5/2016
Beach House 8/5/2016
LCD Soundsystem 8/5/2016
Rogue Wave 8/6/2016
Mike Deni (Geographer) 8/6/2016
Ibeyi 8/6/2016
Lord Huron 8/6/2016, 6/8/2024
Air 8/6/2016
Radiohead 8/6/2016
Oh Wonder 8/7/2016
The Oh Hellos 8/7/2016
Kehlani 8/7/2016, 11/12/2016
Griz 8/7/2016
Rüfüs du Sol 8/7/2016, 11/6/2018
Upstate (Rubdown) 8/12/2016, 10/12/2018
Worthy 10/15/2016
Kamaiyah 10/15/2016
Honne 10/15/2016
Sofi Tukker 10/15/2016, 10/27/2017
Mura Masa 10/15/2016
The Polish Ambassador 10/15/2016
How to Dress Well 10/15/2016
Glass Animals 10/15/2016, 10/29/2021
ZHU 10/15/2016
Wild Nothing 10/16/2016
Car Seat Headrest 10/16/2016
Christine and the Queens 10/16/2016
Mac DeMarco 10/16/2016
Neon Indian 10/16/2016
Tycho 10/16/2016
Sylvan Esso 10/16/2016, 8/22/2017
Purity Ring 10/16/2016
Sigur Rós 10/16/2016, 4/8/2017
Airhead 10/17/2016
James Blake 10/17/2016
Francis and the Lights 10/20/2016
Daniel Caesar 10/22/2016
Anderson .Paak and the Free Nationals 10/22/2016, 11/13/2016, 2/11/2019, 6/27/2019
Too $hort 10/22/2016
Kamasi Washington 11/12/2016
Tokimonsta 11/12/2016
Isaiah Rashad 11/12/2016, 5/12/2018
The Internet 11/12/2016
Toro y Moi 11/12/2016
DJ Mustard 11/12/2016
Kaytranada 11/12/2016, 8/12/2017, 10/29/2021
Gallant 11/13/2016
Pretty Lights 11/13/2016
Erykah Badu 11/13/2016
Quinn XCII 3/8/2017
KOLAJ 3/8/2017
Vera Blue 3/25/2017
Maggie Rogers 3/25/2017
Allan Rayman 3/29/2017, 9/26/2017
TRACE 4/18/2017
Chet Porter 4/18/2017, 10/27/2017
Jai Wolf 4/18/2017
Loyle Carner 5/16/2017
Rebel Kleff 5/16/2017
Theo Katzman 6/19/2017
Joey Dosik 6/19/2017
Tom Misch 6/23/2017 (DJ Set), 4/12/2018 (Live)
Travis Scott 7/29/2017
DRAM 7/29/2017
Electric Guest 8/11/2017
Noname 8/11/2017
RAC 8/11/2017
Belle and Sebastian 8/11/2017
Fleet Foxes 8/11/2017
Gorillaz 8/11/2017, 10/4/2017
Thundercat 8/12/2017, 6/27/2019
The Avett Brothers 8/12/2017
Bomba Estéreo 8/12/2017
Empire of the Sun 8/12/2017
James Vincent McMorrow 8/13/2017
Young the Giant 8/13/2017
Lorde 8/13/2017
The Who 8/13/2017
Solange 8/13/2017
Flock of Dimes 8/22/2017
Smash Mouth 8/26/2017
Vince Staples 10/4/2017
Nai Palm 10/24/2017
Linafornia 12/2/2017
Slow Hollows 12/8/2017
Lillian Frances 2/3/2018
Hablot Brown 4/12/2018
Roy Wood$ 5/12/2018
Majid Jordan 5/12/2018
BROCKHAMPTON 5/12/2018
SZA 5/12/2018
DVSN 5/13/2018
NxWorries (Anderson .Paak & Knxwledge) 5/13/2018
MIGOS 5/13/2018
R+R=NOW 9/18/2018
Lane 8 11/6/2018
Catch Prichard 1/6/2019
Westerly 1/6/2019
Gayle Lynn and the Hired Hands 1/6/2019
Sophie Meiers 1/21/2019
Cautious Clay 1/21/2019, 11/23/2019, 6/8/2024
Tayla Parx 2/11/2019
Robyn 2/26/2019
Bayonne 5/6/2019
TALOS 5/6/2019
Palm Daze 5/6/2019
Little Simz 6/12/2019
April + VISTA 6/12/2019
Lady Ryan 6/21/2019
DJ Maseo (De La Soul) 6/21/2019
Jamila Woods 6/22/2019, 2/4/2024
Nitty Scott 6/22/2019
Maribou State 10/16/2019
Sea Moya 10/16/2019
Remi Wolf 11/23/2019
Michael Kiwanuka 1/25/2020
DRAMA 3/3/2020
Jamestown Revival 3/10/2020
California Honeydrops 9/24/2021
Blu DeTiger 10/26/2021
Jungle 10/26/2021
Buscabulla 10/29/2021
Sharon Van Etten 10/29/2021
Khruangbin 10/29/2021, 8/14/2024
SG Lewis 10/29/2021
Parcels 3/3/2022
L’Imperatrice 4/18/2022
Nicky Egan 4/22/2022
Monophonics 4/22/2022, 5/7/2022
Pocket Full of Crumbs 7/15/2022, 1/24/2024
Parasol Waves 6/3/2023
The Bahamas 9/30/2023
The Teskey Brothers 9/30/2023
The Postal Service 10/10/2023
Sweet Lew 10/21/2023
Y La Bamba 1/19/2024
Madison McFerrin 2/4/2024
Arlo Parks 3/5/2024
Chloe George 3/5/2024
My Dog Jack 3/15/2024, 8/10/2024
Boy Harsher 4/19/2024
Fred again.. 6/5/2024
Dana Frankel 7/12/2024
Common Loons 7/12/2024
Dead Nettle 7/12/2024
SF Jazz Collective 8/11/2024
Herbie Hancock 8/11/2024
Peter Cat Recording Co. 8/14/2024, 10/3/2024
Royel Otis 10/18/2024
Friko 10/18/2024
Pinback 11/13/2024
Victims Family 11/13/2024
Jamie xx 1/25/2025
Bambu 2/15/2025
Rocky Rivera 2/15/2025
Otayo Dubb 2/15/2025
Neighborhood Kids 2/15/2025
DJ Phatrick 2/15/2025
DJ Roza 2/15/2025
DJ Beats Me 2/15/2025

Live music is important; I genuinely believe it can transport you to another world. I hope you all find the time and energy to take yourselves and your loved ones to shows until, well, until you can't.

Reflections with a Buried Face

Earlier today, I was trying to tell myself that the news shouldn't affect me this much (I'm lying here with a pillow on my head and a whole lot of thoughts), but then with more contemplation and a whole lot of conversation, I'm understanding that I'm not being anywhere near as dramatic as I should be.

We all have a responsibility to be outraged by the fact that it's 2015 and people are currently fearing for their lives and unable to go to school because of the color of their skin. You would think after history classes in elementary school that outright racism as such was over and out of the question, but clearly that's not the case and this isn't the first evidence to prove that. My question is this - where do we begin in turning our anger into change? What constitutes an effective first step toward making the slightest difference? Writing a post seems ridiculous and arbitrary, but my genuine feeling of helplessness seems to have brought me to this point.

People don't choose their gender, sexuality, or ethnicity (amongst other things), so it's hard for me to understand why there is so much hate for things beyond our control. If those who feel more entitled to the perceived good they have in their lives could sit down and notice that maybe not all of their successes stemmed from personal achievements or individual will and determination and that maybe they benefited from structural inequalities and sheer luck of the draw, I think things would be a little different.

You know, this afternoon, I had to ask, "Which one?" when a friend asked if I had heard of a particular shooting that occurred a couple of years ago.

The value of a life is never something that should be taken lightly. In some ways, it shouldn't be taken anything at all because it should never be contemplated in the first place. It honestly deeply hurts when I think about what must have happened or how someone must have been raised to believe it's in any degree okay to threaten the existence of another individual because he or she has been pooled into a category and a stereotype based on physical appearance. To intentionally instigate terror in another's life is inhumane and barbaric, and it saddens me to realize that people in this Millennial generation actually genuinely have this mentality and/or are not grounded enough in these beliefs that they're able to be molded to fit the mob.

What's happening right now may just pass on as national news to some and after a period of time, it may fade, but we owe it to well, I don't know what, to drop everything and go fight this. ... But we don't because it's easier not to, and that in itself proves the existence of inequality in the first place. Convenience and comfort may be simpler. It may be easier just to ignore it and shake your head thinking, "That's too bad," or "How is this real," but sorry, that's not nearly enough - I will not hesitate one second in telling you that.

That doesn't mean I know how to proceed here, though. I come in guns blazing with a mixture of sadness and outrage, but I have no idea where we can even begin. And I guess that's where I need your help.

When Does a House Become a Home?

Progress and movement are two concepts that seem to go hand in hand. Where there is progress, there is movement in a specific direction: forward. What doesn’t seem to be factored into this relationship is the multiple facets of confusion that accompany momentum.

At 10:03 AM one Saturday morning, I giddily opened the refrigerator knowing that a box of Dominos was waiting inside. No regrets, just love (#teenagedream). What I failed to realize before opening the box was (1) I only had three slices left, and (2) it was only Saturday morning. I had made glorious plans to consume pizza and only pizza until Sunday afternoon, and dread filled me upon realizing I was about to eat one-third of my entire weekend’s meals before noon on Saturday. I didn’t feel justified in performing this act until I eventually muttered something to myself: “Me now is as important as me later.” With that gentle realization, I threw (read: cradled and placed) all three slices in the microwave and ate them with no regrets.

My generation and generations before me have been innately taught to be future-oriented. We learn to crawl to learn to walk. We learn to walk to learn to run. We go to school to go to more school. We go to more school to get a job. We get a job to move out, and we move out to start our own family. We’re itching to leave and get onto the next thing, and we want to be independent to find ourselves, form ourselves, and wield independence like a sword in the journey of life. We move on to move forward and it’s rare to notice someone, anyone, prioritizing the present over what lies ahead because let’s face it, there’s always a next step.

Take the concept of moving out, for example. I’ve been contemplating what the idea of home constitutes lately. Why are there so many ways to define home, and why do all of them ring true in their own ways?

“Home is where your heart is.”
“Home is where you’re loved the most.”
“Home is where your mom is.”
“Home is wherever I’m with you.”
“Home is where you park it.”

But what has been getting me the most about this recent thought train is the turning point. When does it stop being “my house” and start being “my parents’ house?” When does the place you’re staying for the next few days, months, or years become the place you yearn for to seek refuge from the hustle and bustle of society? Does the latter even describe what it means for somewhere to be home? Is “home” something that’s forced upon you (i.e. This is home now, get used to it), or is it a slow transition that’s hard to sense when it’s happening (i.e. Oh hey, I guess this is home)? And see, to me, the last idea? That’s the weirdest part. When I look back at the few places I called home, I never remember one moment or one day when it became home. It just did. On the contrary, some places never became home, they were just places that I resided.

As I type away these words, I think I’m slowly admitting to myself that a deep-seeded fear of mine is not being able to call this new, foreign apartment and this new, foreign city “home” because I’m definitely not there yet. I’m aware it takes time, and there’s no formula. There are multiple definitions.

It’s hard to strive towards a goal when you don’t even know where to run towards.

But I guess you just pick a direction that calls out and you run because if there was a formula to life and you could use Google Maps to look up where you were supposed to end up next and how long it took to get there and somehow you could anticipate how you’d feel each step of the way… What would living even be? With momentum, you never know: you know there will be progress, and with that steadfast faith, you march on.

Good Ol' Happiness

I’m not sure if this is common knowledge, but it has become increasingly apparent to me that it is much easier to write when you’re distressed, upset, frustrated, nostalgic, or feeling any generally perceived negative emotion rather than when you’re happy and feeling like things are finally coming together. A sort of inspiration kicks in when there’s an outpour of feelings waiting to happen to help you feel whole again… But today, I hope to start off this series of blog posts by defying that widely accepted sentiment because I write these words while in a truly happy state. So here we go. In my book, today’s theme is happiness.

Happiness doesn’t come easily, and it certainly is not true unless there are dips and dives present in life. It’s a gradual process, and over these past few weeks, I’ve become much more aware of it. You know how people say wisdom is accrued with age? I’m starting to get that, too. Concepts that have been shrouded in clouds for my whole life are beginning to make sense.

It didn’t begin this way. I didn’t move across the country and away from all of the people and places I knew in a completely happy state the way I am now. To illustrate, here’s a short list of feelings that were much more prominent to me at the time:

• Nervous
• Confused
• Distressed
• On edge
• Terrified
• Terrible
• Horrible
• No good
• Very bad

… Also known as, for those of you who know me and the way I am, feelings I don’t generally tend to identify with and thus admittedly, do not know how to handle very well. It didn’t help that all anyone talked about was how excited I should be to be starting this new chapter of life. How was I supposed to know that feeling sick to my stomach every morning and every moment I realized how independent I was supposed to be was normal if nobody acknowledged the fact that transitioning from college to “the real world” makes you feel like you have to poop your pants every eighteen seconds? Needless to say, someone needs to do something about this.

… Yeah.

Hey, what’s up, hello (that was a subtle “Trap Queen” reference, for those of you who didn’t catch that). I’m Sue. I’m 22, and this is me candidly acknowledging and openly sharing that starting a new life on your own is fucking horrifying!

… Excuse my language (sorry, Mom).

Over these past few weeks, I have been the moodiest I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I regularly feel alone: the great majority of my friends are far away (here, we could get into how friends are always close by and acknowledge some sappy shit about how friendship isn’t about distance, but let's just not), I often miss the comforting and accessible embrace of my parents, and I started off living here and having to use Google Maps at least five times a week to get to places like the ATM and the grocery store. To get from point A (my temporary sublease) to point B (i.e. the ATM, the grocery store), I needed technological navigation. Is that pathetic? Is it a generational thing? Regardless, I felt useless.

Despite it all, don’t feel like you’re “the only one without any control in your life.” Those thoughts did go through my head a few times. You know, I wonder if people are just embarrassed to talk about these low points, but I’m adamant about starting a dialogue about it. For the sake of all people going through or about to go through or who just will inevitably go through a transition towards more independence (so I guess this means everyone…), I’m saying right now that it’s okay to have no idea what the damn hell a PPO is. You can forgive yourself when you wake up crying and sob your feelings out for the rest of the morning for no reason other than being scared, nervous, and all of those feelings I listed earlier. Asking questions is better than feeling stupid after making a horrible mistake (like every character in Arrested Development, am I right though). With time, you won’t need to rely on your phone to get to CVS. You’ll video chat with your friends from home and realize how ridiculously lucky you are to have them… And you’ll also be reminded that you have the capability to make friends. That’s how you have friends in the first place. You’ll figure out that you can get your hands on a bike somehow, and you’ll explore, appreciate, and be yourself again.

Or maybe all of this is just pertinent to me. But hey, today marks one full month at my new job, and things are just… So much better. And I’m so much happier.

You can’t see me right now, but I’m opening a beer on a bus that’s stuck in traffic.